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January 5, 1997
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I've been meaning to write this Journal in the beginning of the Year, but never had the time to. But I'm glad I decided to post this now, now that my views have changed a lot, what I would've posted Months ago would've been false now. Anyway let's begin.
It was around the year 2009, the same year I started expand the variety of Anime to watch rather than Dragonball Z and also the same year I got my first pen tablet, also, it's the same year I started making my own manga, but I never really shown them to anyone other than my school friends (A bunch of them are stacked in some kind of large bag). When I started watching Naruto, I've always wanted to make moving pictures, mainly of characters fighting. So, one day, I tried to look up some videos on ''How to Animate Naruto and Sasuke Fighting in Photoshop'' lol a little to specific. Sadly, I didn't find anything. Well, anything Naruto related anyway. But eventually, after an hour of browsing through different searches on YouTube, I came across a video called "Soifon Jakuho Raikoben" an Animation by Klfiretears. I was amazed by it and wanted to make someone as good. Later I found another Youtuber who made Naruto Fan Animations named Smyton4tw. From there after so much inspiration, I started practicing Fan Animations. I released my first one called "Konohamaru's Rasengan" Even scene was two frames each and I did everything using Brush only, which sucked. Sadly, I took down the video after receiving critiques. (Which was stupid of me).
Then came the Year 2010, I got my pen tablet for Christmas and started drawing and animating like crazy (Majority was traces of course). A community started growing from these works of Fan Animation, and we used MSN to communicate to one another. Although, I only still have contact with only a handful of them. I posted a lot more on deviantArt but I couldn't stand the critiques I was receiving so I always ignore, argue or shut them down completely, I would also always leave an ok or whatever. That was ignorant of me. It wasn't until later that year that I copped on and realised I actually need to Improve my Art. Because I was ashamed of all the crappy Art I created, September 3rd 2010, I created an new deviantArt Account called BlazingBladeDA (which is this account btw), and started to adopt the Alias, Blazing or Blaze. At the time, I was working heavily on making manga, but again, would never release them. I once again was being ignorant and not taking the time to improve my art and take some time to study anatomy. I received even more critiques but I didn't ignore them like before. I tried to improve my art, but my progress was extremely slow. I met a lot of new artists and Fan Animators, and spoke a lot with them, Again, I only still kept contact with 2-3 of them. A group was set up on MSN so that we could all converse with one another. Things was going well and I would always be online to converse with someone. My Art still wasn't improving all that much, and I kept cancelling manga projects and making new ones (Remember when I said I had a bunch of em stacked in a bag). I never really thought of making a Fan Animation.
Alright, let us fast-forward. >>>>>> Around March or April of 2011 KL, Smyton4tw and Pagatcha worked together to release Kakashi Vs Sasuke, I helped colour a little. But It did create a lot of motivation for many Fan-Animators in the community. For me also, but I was being lazy again, not taking the time to create a fan animation, or improve my art. With all that motivation I would've thought I would have even released one. So for a while, I didn't really draw much cause I was moving at the time and exams were taking place. That Summer , Smyton4tw announced an Animation Contest and 1st Prize to be a winner to work with him on future projects. That sparked a fire of burning motivation in me and I got to work right away. I was still uploading other art but When the winners were announced I was kinda disappointed that I didn't win. I was hoping for at least a mention. That made me realise, my worked sucked compared to the others, of course I wouldn't win. From there, I focused entirely on Improving my art, no slacking off. I would always use reference for anatomy studies and work on my colours. (But to this day, I would never work on my background art). For the rest of that time, during school, even though there were tons of exams that year, I drew a lot regardless.
2012 was probably my biggest year for Art yet. It's when I shown my biggest improvements going from a suckish artist to a decent one. (Not good enough though). I also announced Kujin early that year. Around May of 2012, I joined a group on Facebook, called M.A.M (Make a Manga) and from there I made a lot of great inspiring artist who were in the exact same position as me. We would communicate on a regular basis, help each other improve our artworks, have contests weekly. It was an amazing experience. But all good things come to an end. I was with that group for about 2 years, just this year it kinda died out. Which kinda sucks, but I would still communicate with a few on them nowadays. The same year, I also met a person who has the same interests in Art and Anime as I do. We became good friends, btw, close enough to call him a dicksucker. That summer, I was so bored I started playing a game recommended to me called S4 League. But eventually I got some motivation, I wanted to do a group animation project, so I ask people via dA Journal if anyone wanted to join an Animation team. When we came together, began a project (Neji VS Rock Lee) All the choreography animation was done, but we never finished it. I was doing a lot of Kujin work, but again, never released. I didn't really do much for the last few months on this year. But I uploaded quite a lot of artworks. I tried to influence different styles into my artworks, try to practice animation a bit more and work really hard on trying to develop a story for Kujin. I don't know if anyone knew this, You probably have. I working with and on a Pokemon Animation, 2 actually. We called ourselves Zenndex. They probably don't what you guys to know this but I don't care hahaha. Obviously, things didn't work out and we never uploaded shit. Except for one picture from a scene Yurusen drew, which you can view on his gallery.
Ahh, 2013. Well, I didn't really upload a lot of artworks this year, but I did work on a Shit tone of Art and Animation behind the scenes. Being disappointed which each and everyone of them I would always put then into a harddrive (which I don't have access to anymore since the power running the HDD Stopped working). But I did communicate with the M.A.M artists a lot during this time. I worked heavily on developing a story and at some stage released 6 pages which I removed because I didn't like it. Again, I didn't upload any art or animation works. But that summer, I did work on a commission, which I got paid a lot more. I was commissioned to make illustrations for a leaflet about environmental issues in Africa. With that cash and a little more saving, I was able to Buy a new laptop and pay for some other materials. I think It was July? But one morning, I was having a conversation with and about having an animation studio. From there, an Idea occurred, it started off with, an Idea for a story, then a story about angels, and we were able to get more Artists, Animators, Composers, FX people, Background Artists and 3D Artists. From the the Project "Tree of Life" was born. It was the greatest experience ever, meeting new people and working with everyone, although, I grew tired of it after a couple of months, and started to bore me. It was mainly because of lack of communication later in the production. There would always be conversations behind other crew members, some didn't know things weeks later. Which I grew really tired of, but never confronted anyone with the problem except one person. Out of the blue, All members suddenly stopped communicating, and I didn't know whether the project was still proceeding or not because no one ever told anyone anything but a few. I wasn't one of them. So, there was no more Tree of Life. So yeah... Oh and I completed my first fan Animation this year YAYYY!!. Katekyo Hitman Reborn Fan Animation. I was so excited, but sadly, I never uploaded it, cause I had no voices, no music, and editing was a bitch so I was like. Fuck that shit.
For all of 2014 I didn't do anything, but worked on Kujin and commissions. I was working on a Naruto Fan Animation, a bleach fan animation (with others) and a fairy tail fan animation. All down the drain. I did nothing much this year. Although my Art has improved a lot, it wasn't enough to satisfy me because I knew that there were a lot of people reaching levels higher than me, faster than me. All my summer I've done nothing, and now that I've I'm in college. I simply have no time for Art. (Except for weekends).
So. Where does that leave me now? What am I going to do from here? Is art and animation really my thing? Do I really, truly want to stay creating art and animation? Do I really want to become that big on deviantArt?
I used to always say to people ''I'll be the best artist ever, you'll see, all of you will bow down to me as the greatest animator''. I was told, if you want to become something, say that you will so that you will become what you say, but it's not all word, you must SHOW also. If you keep saying your are bad at something or you aren't smart, than that's what you will become.
I didn't show, but in my head I was always telling myself, that I sucked as an Artist, everyone is always getting better than me. I might as well just quit. This was the same for school work also. In my head, and probably in the outside too. I was a failure.
When I said those things, people were like ''Yeah sure whatever'' "You aren't going to become what you say you will" They were right. I didn't do anything to show that I meant what I said. This was due to utter laziness. But lately, I stopped caring. Stop caring if people are better artists than I am, stop caring if someone compared me to another. Stopped caring altogether. I still had artist who inspire me, and motivations to help me continue to work on my manga Kujin to this day. Though I'm still finding the answers to what I really want to do related to art and animation. I decided for now, to work solely on Kujin and nothing else (other than commissions). No Fan Animations, not so much Fan Art. Just Original works, and I will practice more animation behind the scenes.
There are a lot of people who inspired me through my experiences and those who helped me move forward to improve my art an animation:
Hopefully I will be able to move forward, progress with Art a lot more, and be able to enjoy it as much as I did back when I began.
Favorite visual artistMassashi Kishimoto, Kubo Tite, Hyung Tae Kim, Sakimichan, Shilin Huang, Favorite TV showsNaruto, Fate/ Stay Night, Fate/ Zero, Ao no exorcist, Favorite bands / musical artistsUverworld, One Ok Rock, School food punishment, Osu! Music, Anime Opening Music ;)Favorite booksShit Load of MangaFavorite writersMassashi Kishimoto, Kubo Tite, Akira Amano, Hiromu Arakawa, Favorite gamesNaruto, Tekken, Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon S4LEAGUE, Blade & Soul, OSU!!!!!!Favorite gaming platformPC FTW!!!!Tools of the TradePhotoshop CS6, Manga Studio, Flash Professional CS6, Pen TabletOther InterestsListening to Music, Watching Anime and Openings, Comedy, and some other stuff.